Monday, July 19, 2010

A Letter to Uber-Religious People (think Duggars)

Dear Really Religious People,

Thank you for your concern of my not having any faith. As you have never really spoken with me, you probably do not know that I am Roman Catholic. We believe in the same Jesus Christ as you. However, we do not believe in going around people's homes promoting the Word of God. In fact, I was raised to believe that it is improper and unlady-like to do so. Instead, we promote religion through education, which I assume you do not have much of, since you believe that the world is only 5,000 years old and that Adam and Eve roamed the world with dinosaurs. At least, that is what I assume you believe, since your two of your 12 lovely children have told me so. I feel extremely sad for all of them. They don't seem to get out much, do they? I have never seen them play with the Goldbergs across the street nor have I seen them with the Khalids next door. Heck, I've never even seen them with the Jameses, who go to St. George's Anglican!

Speaking of your children, I have heard that the eldest is to be married. Twenty is very young. I realize that in your culture, having as many children as possible is required, but does she have to spend the rest of her life tending the home? I thought old fashioned rules valued lady-like behaviour. I have spoken with her before, and she does not seem to reflect my version of "lady-like." I was raised to believe that ladies had some good polish, including speaking a smattering of languages other than English. I learned about this from reading Jane Austen in high school. What? You haven't read any Austen? What do you read, besides the Bible, anyway?

Really, I think you are doing you and your family a big disfavour. I would actually love to find a way to send your children to a good home where they will receive an excellent education (including college) and where they are encouraged to question. Keeping them in the dark is very dangerous.




  1. Spot on! I think your post would be hilarious, if it wasn't so serious and rather tragic.

    Getting married very young and having a truckload of pregnancies is the way to trap a young woman. Even if she had originally thought about an education and a career, by the 5th baby she would be thinking about nothing but sleep and dirty nappies. What a waste of a lovely young woman's dreams.

  2. OMG, you are such a Canadian stereotype. But back to the post, don't worry, those kids won't stay inside forever! One of my best friends was one of those Evangelical types who went to Atlanta to college from Central Florida, and went CRRAZZ-ZYYY!!!!! And I love him for it, and he loves himself for it too.

    I don't agree that we all need proper polish et cetera, but I do agree that to bring up a proper redneck NRA lady one must actually teach them to, you know, question authority, and disassemble guns, and properly handle rattlesnakes, and occasionally help their hubby repair his 67' Bobbie Lee that he intends to race in the mountains against the family from custer county, and occasionally hit him over the head with a bread roller when he starts giving the eye to the little damsel in distress from Custer County sitting on the hood of the other teams vehicle.

    Real rednecks are so much more fun then puritans! I hope you get to meet some one of these days.

  3. "we promote religion through education" ? Catholic schools? That line confused me. I have yet to meet a Catholic who attended Catholic school who is any happier or more well-adjusted than "uber-religious" people.

    I have to admit - I always get a kick out of Christians criticizing other Christians.

  4. @Christine: Yes, Catholic school. A Catholic school education tends to be a little more on the mainstream than the uber-religious, especially ones who use church-based homeschooling programs. At least Catholic (and Anglican - I went to an Anglican school) teaches proper science. In addition, most Catholic schools have students of other faiths.

    @Jeremy Janson: That's probably because your friend got out. If you don't, then it's a whole other story...

    @Hels: The post is meant to be more on the sarcastic side than serious... :)

  5. I love this! I was just talking about these uber religious people to a friend. I didn't say it as nicely as you...

    Glad I found your blog!

    xo Susie

  6. TorontoGal: Don't worry, no one can stay away forever. I would say though about Catholics that while you are right that they teach real science, Catholics can often times be very obedience and fear-obsessed, and in that way can create their own, far worse, kind of closed-mindedness.


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